Triple Cheeseburger Tortilla

so there were days during the school year where we had to do so much, that it really felt like 3 or 4 different days all rolled into one. kinda like a triple cheeseburger rolled into a tortilla is what I'm visualizing. that is today, I am on day three right now. At 7pm I will go to the Jewelry Studio to do my last casting for this summer and I have 4 bugs that will hopefully turn into beautiful bronze works of art. My plan is to make a jungle-nest necklace with the bugs hiding in it. These are some of the parts to the jungle necklace. It will just be a work of art, not really for functional use. I will post a drawing diagram of it, but I dont have time to right now.

Also I finished installing my thesis show this afternoon. yip-pee. God did not create me to draw or see straight, perfect, level lines. I had to rehang the photos 4 times.

Conveniently they are mounted on velcro.

(secret of the trade)

delicious ambiguity

Less than 3 weeks before Im DONE WITH GRAD SCHOOL.

Installing the Thesis Exhibition in 2 days.

Leaving for a month in China in 23 days.

Moving out of my apartment in 21 days.

Where will I be when I return from China?

only God knows that for now.

ahhhhhhhh such delicious ambiguity

well.

one thing is not so delicious.

my cousin at the age of 23, died this weekend from a drug overdose.

and I really, really, badly want to be there with those in my family that I love so much.

I have lost 3 people in my world unexpectedly this year. during grad school insanity.

they make us feel guilty in choosing personal needs over homework assignments.

that is not what life should be about.

it makes me bitter towards this stupid one year intensive grad program.

I am tired of putting my family life on hold for this.

I dont want to regret not going to their funeral.

When else will I say to their sister, their aunts and uncles, grandmother, grandfather. that i love them. that I will walk through this with them. when it will mean the most? now or later?

I am torn. juggling back and forth from my own needs and the needs of others.

Casting Jewels

I helped my roommate transport her work to her studio,

then she turned my car into a tree.

I am so happy on Wednesdays.

this is where I am:

This is casting; you have to wear extra dark glasses so the flame wont burn your eyeballs.

it is spectacular. I feel like I am in the Middle Ages when I watched the molten metal pour into the molds.

This is my bronze sunflower. It still has alot of plaster in the crevices, I will clean it out this weekend!

What I learned first year out of Undergrad

May 2008- 2009

What I Learned:

1. Time management.

2. Drive in D.C.- the scariest!

3. (Still trying to learn how to parallel park)

4. Simplify possessions.

5. Reality of paying medical bills.

6. B.F.A as a joke for secure employment.

7. Stop over committing.

8. Treasurer of local N.A. area service group.

9. Book club!

10. Compassion for newcomers- having sponsees.

11. Compassion for stranger’s children- babysitting 30 kids.

12. Not taking my cell phone sledding.

13. How to help throw a party every month of the year! (JLBF)

14. Taking risks to trust strangers- making new friends.

15. Stand by my own values.

16. Listen to my thoughts before I speak them.

17. Director of the Foerter Farm for 7 days; maintaining 7 people,

2 dogs the size of people, and 5 other miscellaneous pets.

18. Relearning how to snow ski- yesssssss.

19. Taught classes in 9 different elementary schools.

20. Designed and implemented a visual arts program at CIFA.

21. Being selected for a juried show at the Torpedo Factory.

22. Have a solo show at Stifel and Capra for the monthly

First Friday Falls Church events.

23. Became a big sister/role model for Chris, Lilly,

Michael, and James.

24. Applied to Graduate School.

25. Pay my taxes!

26. How to meditate while kayaking.

27. How to pull a kayak full of water out of Lake Barcroft.

28. Paris! London!

Type A personality...

Last night I was hanging out with a new friend, whom described their first impression of me as being "Type A Personality". I hadnt heard this before specifically about me, so I looked it up on wikipedia.. it made me laugh, the impression was pretty dead on.

Type A individuals can be described as impatient, time-conscious, controlling, concerned about their status, highly competitive, ambitious, business-like, aggressive, having difficulty relaxing; and are sometimes disliked by individuals with Type B personalities for the way that they're always rushing. They are often high-achieving workaholics who multi-task, drive themselves with deadlines, and are unhappy about delays. Because of these characteristics, Type A individuals are often described as "stress junkies."

oh well, I am trying to detox from full time school and full time job for the rest of the month of May. Maybe I will be more joyful and laid back. I hope so. Last night the MICA Jewelry Center had its open house, and asked me to set up my mock Thesis presentation. Here are some photos from it:

Conception Shell Box

The sperm are swimming into the center of the ovary (shell)

I just made the stand for this a few days ago.

One of the mock-ups for the Womb Belt.

This is covered with Red Seaweed from the South Pacific.

Layout

the painting hanging is called "The Work of Forgetting"

Womb Belt

This is red silk, covered with purple wax

Womb Belt #2

This is silk covered with Bee's Wax.

Artist Statement:

As a young girl I collected the scraps of my experiences in my father’s empty cigar boxes. I did not understand why I was doing this; only that it was my nature of the artist within. The boxes contained my secrets of childhood, adolescence, and coming of age. The textures of every facet in each box tell one story. The most influential experience I endured was of my pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage. I was an 18 year old, upper class, beautiful, white girl. My family’s health insurance did not cover the unexpected pregnancy; the only option was to apply for welfare. The societal, cultural, and medical environment that followed over the next three months were jarring to my conscious privileged upbringing. In this artwork I expose what the secrets from that time were, and what it was like to hide them. The remnants of this story: the drawings, feelings, and dialogs lie within different artistic renderings of containment. The father of my child, 16 years old at the time, tells his story in collaboration with my visual artwork. This body of work tells the universal story that is swept under the rug in every social realm. The plague of teenage pregnancy hits every group and context of people, but not everyone willingly accepts or recognizes the affects it has on both the mother and father of the miscarried child.

research study relief

I hate doing someone else's dirty work. This research study I am working on is for someone else to publish, and they criticized me saying that the writing was lacking in robust zeal... maybe because I dont want to do this at all. I am happy that it is almost over. So instead of just getting all the edits done this afternoon, I am taking a break to update my blog. There is only one more meeting for this particularly painful project, and the rest is fun art-making. Two nights ago I learned how to do torch enameling and I became immediately obsessed.

And I am about to buy a plane ticket to China for the month of August. I will be exploring the country with one of my new friends, and staying with her various relatives: grandmother, cousins, and friends along the way. I am so excited about that.... however when I buy this ticket to go, my bank account will be 0. ZERO! so my life will be hand to mouth for the next two months, I think it will be totally worth it though.

Here is a picture of me and Mimi, my 'Asia-Sisterhood' traveling-exploring partner!

The name of her home town is Suzhou, known as the Venice of the East because there are many canals and water gardens there. I will take thousands of photographs. I am so excited!

P.S. there are only 91 days until I finish my Masters.

P.S.S this blog will just turn into adventures in the world of an adventurous silly little girl!

(that's me)

coming back down

my ego exploded.

im trying to get back down to the ground.

mom's advice is good: whatever you do, don't piss off your professors.

my fantasy right now is dropping all responsibilities and getting a manicure.

the fingernail status is in bad shape.

i dont want to work like this in the future, to carry my job into all areas of my life.

i actually took a break last night, going into the metalsmith workshop for the first time in a month. it was a sanctuary: i forgot about all responsibilities in reality(mindless bliss) for about an hour. it took three hours to filter all thoughts of responsibilities out of my consciousness in order to get to that blissful place of pure artmaking.

existence with eight brains

i have discovered what I can compare my current status of existence to:

An Octopus with 8 arms stirring the pots of an overcommitted lifestyle.

Each of the arms are individual brains that work only one at a time, but are still expected to keep stirring. in 6 days I will be on the west coast co facilitating a booth at a national convention with an internationally known artist. A week after that I am organizing a double workshop day with that Artist in Baltimore. one week later I am presenting at a Baltimore City wide conference about this art project, and one week after that I am responsible for organizing a parade extravaganza which will include musicians, politicians, local schools, a giant money truck, and local TV news reporters.

THEN 4 days later i will be en-route to Captive Island off the coast of southern Florida to try to catch up on all the ME that got ignored in saving the world during the month of March/April.

http://www.southseas.com/

i plan to go kayaking, hiking, bicycling, swimming, and sailing (if i get lucky)

AND THEN my niece will be born and I will become an AUNTIE...... so exciting is spring!

citizen of the world

oh my.

I just watched a film about listening to the voices of the world and specifically what they think about America. I wonder why i am an artist if I care so much about the others in the world. How can my voice be heard?

http://www.thelisteningprojectfilm.com

I live a contradiction: I collect luxuries and demand high quality in my experiences in life, yet I want to give all that I have that is good to those who need it.

I am frustrated that my parents raised me to expect privilege and eventually pressured me into casting my first presidential vote to George Bush. That is not what I believe is morally correct. That dosent respect humanity and compassion to every individual.

who am I to do something for another country ? I don't think I am powerful enough to bring a new perspective to the majority of privileged americans.

Globalization brings an overpowering seduction of cash and power which results in a change and assimilation of the native culture. What do we know about everyone else in the world? Nothing as compared to what everyone else in this world knows about America. How can I link what I am doing to reflect those people and their perspectives?

Education may be the only way to change this. Introducing global consciousness.

Every time I pump gas into my car, I keep the dependent relationship alive with the US as the globally dominant country. America only makes up 4% of the world's population yet we consume 40% of the world's resources. The top 1% of the wealth in the U.S. is ___________ class matters statistic.

The film voiced opinions of how foriegners thought americans were akin to the Romans, the empire that took over everyone's land around them. The Romans had no care to know about those thay had taken over, and eventually collapsed.

THIS IS DISPLACEMENT

Displacement in America started in the 1950's when the inner city rerouted the wealth into suburbanization... we are dislocating identity, history, culture.

The listening Project.

i am reminded that i have a calling to leave america and to care for the people outside of our bubble. i was reminded of how much my mind changed when i lived in Turkiye, how I was sick when i returned to America: the food, the mindset, the hypocrisy. all of it was shallow and forced. Not as authentic as the richness i found in the Mediterranean.

On a lighter note, some artwork from this morning:

Here is the beginning of the web of contorted faces in my newest cigarbox book:

the worst time of the week

This is the worst time of the week.

IF there is class on Monday, which is almost every Monday except last week because of several blizzards, the time immediately after class is over until I get my second wind for the night, is horrible! The snake inside my belly tries to convince my smarter brain that sleep is the only solution to my fatigue. It starts at 6:05pm and I strategically must avoid hitting the warmth and coziness in my bed, find some healthy nutrients to eat, and wait for my energy to start kicking back up around 8:00pm. Once the second wind starts up I am over productive and crazy focused until around midnight. Monday is the only night of the week this phenomenon occurs. Every other night of the week I try to replicate my energy and motivation but it never matches up. This is my project tonight: weaving faces in a web inside a cigar box. I hope I don't get sick of cigar boxes midway through the spring.

applying for my future via the internet

I have one foot out the door. the spring semester is the "preparation for exiting" my masters degree. The fall was so much simpler and easier: it was a full immersion experiential education. Now I have to worry about my next fix. Where will I go in 6 months? There is no clue, no hint towards an answer. I was going to apply for a second year MFA at MICA, but the more I think about it, the more that opportunity will be tying me down to more debt and less varied career options. I still want to live free like a bird, pick up and sail off to the next mysterious local. delicious ambiguity. 

 For now, I am applying to 1. be employed and work for PeaceCorps in a faraway country, or 2. be a volunteer for the PeaceCorps. Application via internet.

my second route in finding secure employment for more than 2 months and have travel be apart of it is going through the US gov't. This is my mother's suggestion. I am not going to believe it would include an actual job. But there is hope.

winter joys

I found out how to obtain free cheese from Whole Foods. I will not tell how this happens, only that I am indulging in Soignon Goat Brie with green grapes. I have many reading assignments and eventually writing to be done by this weekend, but because there is yet another snow blizzard coming my way, I think my plans for saturday will be to stay in bed all day with numerous books. I love the snow. I think it is because I live in this magical neighborhood where at midnight on a heavy snow night, there are friendly strangers walk the street to gaze at the still and silent beauty. Maybe that is the only time Baltimore is quiet. Usually there are sirens and helicopters traveling in and out of earshot. Also it is helpful that in my cozy neighborhood there is a gourmet coffee shop and my job/class location all within 3 blocks! There is no need to park or drive in the snow to get here, relieving much of the frusteration I endured last winter in the snow. On a regular basis I had to ask strange men to help push my 2 wheel drive Jeep off the ice. I am procratinating, I am procrastinating I am procratinating I am procrasting. McNasting. I wish I had a job where I could eat all the time and get benefits for consuming and making food. then i would most likely get bored and just want to wander around the world. my brain has this loop-back feature similar to ProTools software that can get stuck on the same thing over and over. not wanting to do what im supposed to supposed to supposed to supposed to. kinda like that. yeah

I have a cold; I make a jewelry line

this is my favorite! YEllow! This one reminds me of a fancy Mrs. Potato Head with a hat on. These white buttons earrings are for Katti I am finally getting over this cold, I know this because I just made a batch of chocolate chip cookies and am starting to dance with some good music on. A reflection of what I did for 5 days while locked up in my castle: I had a large bag of assorted buttons from my mom and my jewelry tools, so i did what any other Ashby would do, I made A Jewelry Line! so yep, thats all I have to say. I havent had a cold in several winters, so I wasnt used to being semi- miserable and semi-functional at the same time while being highly contagious.

blooming paper whites

I was a bit overwhelmed with all the contemporary exhibition expereinces so when I should have posted here about it as a major success of my graduate school career, I had no desire to. So onto my next exciting life experience: Paper Whites! this is my favorite scent, flower, and tradition. The looming danger which was giving me some anxiety about this special part of my year to year life was a series of dead plants. Every plant I have provided a warm and lovely home to while I have been in Baltimore has died. Rosemary, Basil, and Sunflowers. Now to the next plant on my list; paper whites only bloom around christmas time, another reason why they are so special. I recieved 4 bulbs for a present from my mother when I was home, managed to get them through airport security and finally to my kitchene. I planted them in two tupperware containers, the only thing i had lying around, and my roommate, from the Philippines, thought I was trying to grow onions. a funny moment when I showed her they were budding, she was very surprised. For a week and a half I painstaking watered and checked on these onion bulbs. there was no progress, and i was losing hope. I am happy to say this morning when I awoke, the smell I cherish was filling my room, the second budding stem bloomed in the wide, sun filled bay windows of my corner room. I think they like the light, it come in perfectly between the row-houses on my street. The amber and cotton candy glow of sunset is the best kind of food to them I would imagine. Today I have started to come down with a cold. My antidote to more fatigue and subdued ashby-ness has been ginger and lemon tea with lots of honey, and an exciting trip to the grocery store to get ample fresh fruits and vegetables. mmmm the smell of those flowers helps too, however I would like to know what sunset tastes like. I talked to my baby brother just now for the first time in a long time, even though I saw him during the holidays, the conversations were few and far between. I think that helped soothe my achingly low immune system. I am preparing for an arts festival this weekend, and I hope to be fully recovered from cold-like symptoms. It is all uphill from here!

prep for exhibition

After two weeks in Mississippi, I am back to a full day of preparation for a Museum exhibition that will be installed in less than a week. The opening is less than two weeks away.I met with my graphic designer this morning at my favorite coffee shop and confirmed the design for the poster that will go out to the printers tomorrow. I weened off coffee during the holiday break, but I am back to the grind. I started a Flickr account: Fundred in Baltimore! with all the images from the presentations I have documented during the fall semester. When I get a confirmations from the communications chair at MICA, I will share the link to the press release for the show on the MICA website. I am also looking for volunteers for the set up and take down of the East Baltimore Festival that will be in 3 weeks. If I spend all my time preparing for these two events they will be a total hit, and consequently I will not pass my classes. For my classes I have: 5 books to read, write 500 word essays for each, edit and finish a 9 week social justice curriculum, AND MAKE NEW ART by the 17th of January. This isn't just any art, but new art evolving from the critique I had on my thesis presentation from 3 weeks ago. I cant even remember 3 weeks ago. Sometimes I like it when there is an overload and all I can do is the next thing on my list.

over-achieving

I have a tendency to bite off more than I can chew. I started this web site about 2 years ago to show my art in a public venue. I since then have never touched it. I am trying to survive, ahem, a one year graduate program. Facebook does not suffice for my reflections of the trails and tribulations that this MACA program is doing to my life. It is the winter break, so I have time to watch movies and get inspired to go beyond my ordinary ventures. I want to: 1. document my progress, work, and growth 2. share it with others and get their feedback. I made over 250 pieces of art between September 1 and December 15, with poor poor documentation, and alas that will change for the spring semester. So now, no really good art has been made in over 2 weeks. its killing me. When I do get back in the swing of the grad-school-tornado-lifestyle, I plan to update the art that I make, and the ridiculous adventures that go along with it. (like catching my hair on fire)